by Drivtaan and Dan Swanson
The Most Venerable and Highest Jade Emperor of All-Embracing Sublime Spontaneous Existence of the Heavenly Golden Palace upon occasion found joy in walking the breadth of the earth in the guise of a very old man. Once, while traversing the northeastern Tibetan plateau in Sichuan, the Most Venerable Jade Emperor of the Heavenly Golden Palace heard the pitiful cry of a very young creature. In his infinite wisdom, his most esteemed steps led him to a small Chinese desert cat tangled precariously in a great thorny bush. With a wave of his hand, the thorny bush carefully untangled itself and released its grip on the animal. At the same time, the mewling kitten’s wounds were miraculously restored.
But the pitiful kitten continued to mewl. In his omnipotence, the Jade Emperor realized that the animal had no mother to care for it, and decided to carry it back to Heaven when he returned to his palace. The Chinese desert cat, which he named Mao Di, soon became his most favored pet.
One morning, however, when the Jade Emperor called for Mao Di, the desert cat did not appear.
The Ruler of Heaven immediately commanded his pages to search all of Heaven for his beloved pet. For nearly a week, the most arduous searchers found no trace of the missing desert cat. Finally a page, reexamining Mao Di’s room with meticulous care, discovered a short strand of coarse hair, nothing like the silky hair shed by Mao Di. With all excited haste, the lowly page carried the hair to his master.
“Monkey!” the Jade Emperor exclaimed, his anger building with each passing moment. “I should have known that mischievous pest would be involved. Bring him to me at once.”
***
Hundreds of miles away, the Monkey King was holding court with his own kind. As he was about to issue a decision on the true ownership of a greatly coveted banana tree, the very servant who had discovered Monkey’s hair mystically whisked him back to the Celestial Palace.
***
“Thief!” the Jade Emperor thundered.
“Please, no yelling,” Monkey interrupted, trying to bring a little levity to the situation. He examined his conscience and could find nothing he had done recently to command the wrath of the mighty and blessed Jade Emperor.
“Do not presume to command me,” the Ruler of Heaven said. “Your trickery has been tolerated for centuries, but no more.”
“What is my crime?” Monkey asked. “Or has your great celestial ego driven you to pass false judgments on the innocent for your own pleasure?”
Before the Jade Emperor could erupt, the brave servant intervened. “The Most Venerable Jade Emperor believes that you have spirited away his beloved Chinese desert cat, Mao Di.” He held up the coarse strand of dark brown hair. “Here is his proof.”
The Monkey King’s mouth fell open. With his own paw, he pushed his furry chin back up. “That hair could have come from any monkey,” he said.
He paused. Heavy clouds sprang into existence around the brow of the Jade Emperor, sprouting miniature lightning bolts. “Is this your defense?” the Emperor asked mildly. The Imperial Court cringed, knowing that an explosion was imminent.
“Any monkey except for me,” the Monkey King continued. “That hair cannot be mine.” The immortal jester god jerked a single strand of hair from his forearm and tossed it into the air. Instantly, the hair transformed into a monkey seemingly identical to Monkey, yet without the gleam of intelligence in his eyes. The faux Monkey ran to a corner and cringed in terror.
“See,” Monkey said. “If it were my hair,” he said, waving a paw at his duplicate, “this is what would have happened.” With another wave of his paw, the cowering monkey disappeared.
The Chiefest of All Celestial Bureaucrats looked at Monkey for a moment, and then let his shoulders sag. “My poor little Mao Di,” he finally said. “Lost forever…”
Immediately, the Monkey King was filled with compassion. “I will find Mao Di for you,” the Monkey King promised his Emperor, “even if it takes all eternity.”
***
Later, as he sat in his own castle, Monkey began to regret his hasty pledge. Who was he to chase a cat burglar? Though he had to admit the thought of a cat burglar stealing a cat appealed to his sense of irony. Soon it dawned on him that someone had done this solely to get the King of Mischief in trouble. Yet who might hold a grudge against him? He realized that the list was long and distinguished.
His latest prank had greatly angered the Dragon Kings, who had mocked him as the King of Thieves. The more he considered, the more certain he was that they must be the culprits; only the mighty Dragon Kings had the power and audacity to dare steal from the Jade Emperor. With a mighty leap, he vanished into the sky.
***
“Face me, you great scaly toads!” Monkey said as he landed just outside the mountain home of the Dragon Kings. “You call me Thief, then steal from the Ruler of Heaven? Cowards!”
As his final word echoed off the surrounding cliffs, the great crimson gates swing outward, and the Dragon Kings strode arrogantly from their mammoth cavern, one of them stroking the fur on Mao Di’s back.
“Bothersome ape,” one of them said. “How dare you accuse us of theft? We found this poor creature in your possession and merely retrieved it for safekeeping.”
“Liar!” Monkey screamed in anger, as he began to hop around and wave his arms.
One of the Kings raised his hand, and a servant brought forth a bamboo cage. Monkey’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw in the cage another cowering duplicate of himself.
This explained everything, Monkey realized. A hair from this duplicate had implicated him in the theft. The Dragon Kings would return Mao Di to the Jade Emperor and claim they had recovered the valued pet from Monkey, and his protests would be ignored. Immediately, Monkey’s mind began to race.
“A trade,” Monkey suggested.
The Dragon Kings laughed. “What have you that we would want?”
What indeed? “My promise not to bother you for one-thousand years,” Monkey said. “No pranks, no jokes, no tricks.”
“Make it two-thousand years,” one of the Kings replied.
“Done,” Monkey said, without hesitation.
“What more do you have to offer?” another King asked.
Monkey’s mouth dropped open. “What else can I offer?” He couldn’t believe the audacity of these pompous immortals. Suddenly, he remembered his human friends, the lovers. “A painting and a song, of incomparable beauty, created by the most famed and skilled of mortal artists.”
The Dragon Kings laughed. “Do you truly think mortals could create a song and a picture worthy of inclusion in our treasure hoard?” one of them asked incredulously.
“Give me one week,” Monkey said, “and you shall see the worth of this mortal treasure.”
“Perhaps his gifts will provide us with amusement,” another suggested. The Dragon Kings spoke among themselves for a moment before agreeing. “You have one week.”
Monkey King immediately gave another great leap and landed, unerringly, on Earth in a small, grassless yard. The woman, Bi Yu, was seated in front of an easel painting cherry blossoms dancing on the wind, while her husband, Chung Yu, practiced his flute nearby.
“Monkey,” the artist said, placing her brush in water and rising to greet her visitor. “Welcome to our home.”
“Thank you, Bi Yu,” Monkey said. “My friends, I would ask of you a favor.”
Chung Yu glanced at Bi Yu, and the woman merely shrugged. “Please, sit,” he said to Monkey, “and tell us of your problem.”
After quickly explaining what he had gotten them into, and begging their forgiveness, Monkey waited for an answer. It was not a long wait.
Bi Yu looked at her husband. Chung Yu nodded. “Thank you for your confidence in us,” he said. “Perhaps even our most glorious works will not be good enough to satisfy the Dragon Kings.” Monkey wilted, his hope banished.
“But, we will try,” his wife added.
***
For the next week, the couple worked tirelessly at their art, while Monkey waited patiently in the yard. He did nothing that might distract the lovers from their labors.
“Friend Monkey,” Bi Yu finally said to him at noon on the seventh day. “We are finished. But how will you carry Chung’s song to the Dragon Kings?”
Monkey handed a small jar to the musician. “This magical jar will hold your song until I deliver it to the Dragon Kings.”
Monkey examined Bi Yu’s painting as Chung Yu played the most exquisite song the King of Mischief had heard in his long lifetime. He couldn’t believe his eyes; this painting was indeed worthy of the immortal Dragon Kings.
“Thank you both for all you’ve done,” Monkey said. “I vow that I shall one day repay you for this great kindness.” Leaping into the air, he was gone.
***
The Dragon Kings were already assembled when Monkey arrived. Walking forward, he knelt down and bowed his head.
“I, Monkey, do vow that for the next two millennia, I shall do no mischief to any of the revered Dragon Kings.” Having said that, he held up the painting for all to see.
The beauty of the painting stunned the Dragon Kings. Never had they seen such a thing. Ownership of this painting would make them the envy of the other immortals.
Quietly, one of them spoke. “And what of the song? Can it even compare to this painting in beauty?”
Monkey opened the jar. Chung Yu’s song brought tears to the eyes of the Dragon Kings. More astounding still, as the song drifted unending on the breeze, the images on the canvas began to move in time with the music.
Knowing that the deal had been reached, a servant opened the door to the cage, and the faux Monkey leaped out and promptly disappeared. The Dragon King who held Mao Di’s leash walked forward and handed it to Monkey. “The deal is indeed acceptable, Monkey King.”
Before Monkey could respond, the Dragon Kings, still enraptured by their gifts, disappeared into their home. The gate closed behind them, leaving Monkey to return Mao Di to the Jade Emperor.
***
Chan Kong-sang looked at the ta-jen. “Master?” he asked.
“Yes?”
“Is there a moral to this story? When did it take place?”
The ta-jen took a sip of wine. “Perhaps there is a moral hidden in the story,” he said. “If so, it is there for you to find. As for when it took place, what is time to the immortals? It could have taken place a thousand years in your past, or a thousand years in your future. Some things are simply… timeless.”
***
In the present, Tammi Paige watched Liling Kam closely as she recounted the parable, apparently listening intently to the story within a story. As soon as Liling was finished, she spoke up. “A real desert cat is almost big enough for me to ride on like a pony! Say, Alex, wouldn’t I look great riding on the back of a real tiger in my leopard-skin bikini when we go to that party for the premier of Nefertiti next week? I’d be the center of attention!”
“You’re always the center of attention, Tams,” Alex Silverstone replied with a shake of her head. “Don’t you think you ought to let Jeanne be the star of her own party?” Next week in San Francisco, a party was scheduled to honor the premiere showing of the soon-to-be-released movie, Nefertiti, Queen of the Nile, and Jeanne Crain, the star, was being feted. Tammi would be there, too, as she always was when lots of cameras were involved. And she’d find a way to get photographed, whatever it took.
“Phooey! You never let me have any fun!” Tammi pouted.
“Ah, young lady, perhaps this will cheer you up,” Liling soothed her. “Please accept this statuette with my compliments.” She handed the Desert Cat to the store manager. “Please wrap this carefully, Lei Chiu, to ensure our beautiful cat safely reaches her new home.”
Lei Chiu, her manager, was distressed. “Madame, no, you cannot give cat to these. I have promised to another buyer, coming tomorrow.”
“You returned from your last trip with two such statuettes, Lei Chiu!” Liling snapped at her manager, annoyed at being contradicted in her own store. “When you finish wrapping this one, you may retrieve the other from the storeroom for tomorrow’s customer.” Her voice cracked like a whip.
“Yes, Madame,” the manager responded sullenly. He finished wrapping the cat statuette, dropped it into a bag, thrust the bag at Tammi without another word, then stomped away.
“I apologize for Lei Chiu’s behavior. I’ve never seen him act this way,” Liling said contritely.
“Don’t be sorry — he’s the bonehead, not you,” Tammi chirped. “Thanks for the really neato gift! I’m going to put it in the solarium!”
“Of course you are,” Alex agreed resignedly. “If there’s room for it, among all the other free gifts you always manage to get everywhere we go.”
***
Liling Kam was just about to close up the shop for the afternoon, so Alex Silverstone and Tammi Paige took her to lunch. Afterward, the two women weren’t in any hurry to get home, and wandered the streets of San Francisco, leaving Chinatown and moving leisurely toward Golden Gate Park, window shopping and occasionally stopping to actually buy something or other.
Finally, though, they had too much to carry, and hailed a taxi for the last couple of miles. Lei Chiu sighed in relief. He finally had a chance to rest his feet as he climbed into his own cab and ordered the driver to, “Follow that car!”